Today I’m going to discuss, according to Dr. Michele Borba, the second building block of self-esteem: Selfhood – Who am I? (Last week I discussed the first building block of self-esteem: security)
According to Dr. Michele Borba, all children need to understand why they are unique and to know that others appreciate them for who they are and respect them for their special qualities. Children are not born with this knowledge, it is learned, and this is how they develop self-worth.
“All that we are is a result of what we have thought.” – Bhudda
For positive self-esteem to develop, children need to recognize their own qualities, and realize how they are different from others, yet like themselves for their own uniqueness.
How Can I Help My Child Develop His/Her Identity?
- Accept your child for his/her unique qualities
- Develop an awareness of his/her interests, roles, skills that may influence how he/she views him/herself
- Encourage new ways of helping your child expand his/her view of him/herself
- Provide your child with lots of encouragement ( immediate, specific, individual and descriptive) *To read about the difference between praise and encouragement and to receive a free cheat sheet on samples of encouraging phrases click here
- Explore significant events in your child’s life and the perception she/he associates with them. If the experience is remembered as negative, help him/her to find a positive moment or a learning opportunity within the experience
- Talk about multiple intelligences and the different kinds of smarts each person has
Some Suggestions for Building A Positive Identity
Go around the dinner table and have each person say one of their strengths and one of their struggles. (Ie. “I am a reader and I love to read and I have a hard time public speaking”, or “I am a fan of math and I really dislike art and have a hard time drawing”). I always tell the participants in my anxiety management groups that we are perfectly imperfect. We all have our strengths and we all have our struggles and we all make mistakes, which is how we learn and grow.
A “Who am I?” place mat – use photographs and descriptive words to create a place mat about each family member. Use contact paper or get them professionally laminated at places such as Staples. (Colour photocopy them and they make another great present.) My daughter and I made these for all our family and extended family members at Christmas one year. We used the website Wordle and made a word cloud for each person and then laminated them and used them as place mats.
Photo Albums/Home movies – spend an evening bringing out photos, watching home movies and talking about significant events. Focus on the positive experiences.
Draw a family time-line. Ask your children what events they remember the most starting from their earliest memories. Write down the events.
The more that we understand ourselves and how our brain works, the more comfortable we can feel being ourselves.
As you enjoy these last few weeks of the summer holidays together, have fun helping each other figure out “Who Am I?”
Warmly,
PS. Registration is now open for my September “Brain Science” groups where I teach children (boys and girls ages 7-9 yrs. and 10-12 yrs.) about anxiety and how to manage anxiety. For more information and to register online please click here and then go to “upcoming groups”.
PPS. My lovely colleague, Andrea Sharpe, is going to be running a support group for children ages 7-12 years who have a sibling with special needs. This group will run once/month at the ABLE Clinic. Please click here and go to “upcoming groups” to register and receive more information.
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